What am I doing with myself, and my life? Fuck knows, really.

I need to go to bed. Honestly. It's 1am, and my mum will be waking me up at 9 to finish my stupid research project. But I can't sleep. I'm laying in bed in the dark just contemplating everything. Parents, school, friends, and just life in general. At the moment, life is pretty shit. My parents ignore me most of the time except for when they're yelling at me either about studying/doing my homework, or some random insignificant problem which OF COURSE is my fault. Because EVERYTHING is my fault in this household lately. I don't understand why, but it is. I'm being so submissive all the time, which is really unlike me, but it's the easiest way to get around the house at the moment. I feel like my parents don't give a damn about me, they only care about my schoolwork. Schoolwork is the only thing they talk to me about, and frankly I'm getting sick of it. They don't respect me enough at the moment, I'm not good enough for them. I can't do anything right and whenever something mildly exciting or interesting happens, they're like, "that's nice. Now go and finish your project." This stupid project is taking over my life. It's screwing up my year 12, because of course MY YEAR was when they decided to introduce it so none of the teachers know what they're doing and it's all in shambles. This is turning out to be a great year so far. Not. Everyone says year 12 is the best year of their lives, but I honesty do not understand that. So far it's my worst year.
I feel like I'm just complaining the whole time here. I feel like all I do at the moment is complain. And I'm sorry to the people who have to put up with it all the time, but the truth is, it's really upsetting me. I don't know why, whether it's just the stress, or something else, but at the moment all I do is worry about something or other and I can't help it! People tell me I need to chill out and calm down, but that's never been an easy thing for me to do. I've always been passionate, I've always had a slightly erratic temper when it comes to some things. I try to chill out, but I just can't. I get so worked up about some things that everything builds up and I just snap.
Yesterday I ripped my shirt, snapped three hair ties and threw a large number of pens and other miscellaneous objects at my bedroom wall. I was just so angry, and I tried to calm down but I honesty couldn't control myself.
Nothing helps anymore, nothing works to calm me down. I am constantly stressed out and no one helps with that, especially my parents. Fuck! My parents should be the ones who are trying to help me the most, but they just make it worse and again, it all builds up in my head and I get angry and paranoid and even more stressed. I have a constant, throbbing headache and nothing gets rid of it. Trust me, I've tried. Yesterday I was seriously considering getting out my bottle of vodka and drinking the whole thing. It would be a relief, however dumb and however momentarily, from everything.
My moods are so tumultuous all the time. I can go from being happy to angry to upset, but I'm always overly emotional. I can't stop crying.
I want these feelings to stop, but I don know how to make them go away and leave me alone. And until I or someone else figures out what the hell I'm doing and feeling and how I can feel better, I don't know what the fuck to do.
You're probably at the end of this now and thinking, "what a fucking stupid idiot, get over it". I agree, and I would if I could! And if you HAVE read this whole thing and AREN'T thinking that, then thankyou.