The last day and a half have not been good. I've been having the worst day, I can't do anything right and feel so dumb all the time. Last night me and my parents had a massive fight about my research project, I made my mum cry and I don't even care. Her excuse was "I have not had a good day". Well whoopdedoo, you aren't the only one! And then I got so angry and sword at her and had a massive tantrum because I'm tired and frustrated and PMS and dumb. And I finally broke down and cried properly last night, for like an hour. At about 10pm, I walked away from my mum who was trying to tell me she was right even though I know she wasn't because she wasn't there when we got told how to do it. I may not know exactly how to write this stupid thing, but at least I know what we're meant to do. She just doesn't listen to me!! So anyway I walked away and went upstairs and did my maths homework. For about three hours. Then I did my chem assignment. And my English oral. I went to bed at 2am. I woke up at 7am and looked in the mirror. Intense crying + not much sleep = hideous Liana. No joke, my eyes were puffy and bloodshot, I could hardly see. And then mum tried to tell me something and made me cry again. And then I got to school and was okay before school, until first lesson which happened to be research project. I was looking at all the stuff mum had done last night and the crap she printed out that has no meaning whatsoever, and I just started crying again. Not sure if anyone noticed, I just pretended I was looking for something in my bag under the desk.
And since then, I've just had a crap day. In chem I got my assignment back and got 1/10 because she happened to only mark the section that I got confused with and couldn't do. The whole rest of the assignment I could do, but no she had to pick that bit. Then had a go at me and said that I wasn't trying hard enough and I need to do better. Sure, I haven't done that great in the two summative tests so far, but in every single assignment so far, which are formative, I've got full marks or close to full marks. But of course my ability is judged from one assignment that I happened to not do well in this time, and doesn't even mean anything. And then she said I should consider moving up the front somewhere so that Rhys and Nick don't distract me and so that I can concentrate and pay attention. They don't distract me, most of the time I just ignore them! And she spoke in this soft voice that sounded like she was really disappointed in me, not angry, and that almost made me burst into tears again.
I just want something good to happen, something good to come out of all this crap that's going on at the moment!
Heaps of people are being bitchy at school, I'm not getting along very well with people who I used to get on fine with, and it seems like half the year hates me at the moment. I don't understand, I feel so alone all the time, even when I'm with friends.