Wednesday, 21 March 2012

To my beautiful wifey, Shauna,

I'm so scared that your mum will see this and then you'll never be allowed to talk to us ever again. I wouldn't be able to live with that. Even as it is, every day is a struggle to get through, knowing I don't have you to talk to anymore. When I was happy, or upset, or whenever really, you were the one I would go to. You were always able to make me laugh, or at least smile. Now, every time I see your name, whether it's a YouTube message like you've been sending me, or just someone else talking about you on twitter, it never fails to make me cry. I read the YouTube message in English the other day and burst into tears. I miss you so fucking much shauna, it hurts to think about you.  But I know you must be feeling worse. I have Bianca, Kelly, Carlie and everyone to talk to. You don't have any of us. I feel so sorry for you and I hope your mum gives your shit back soon.  When she emailed me, I literally broke down. Me and the girls talked for ages about whether we should reply or not, and finally decided not to. However, I drafted a reply which I never meant to send, it was just to get my feelings out. I'm not going to post it here just in case, but I hope that one day you will be able to read it and hopefully laugh with me.  Was it you that reviewed I'm Not That Girl like 8 times anonymously tonight? If it was, thankyou. I got a bit freaked out at first, but if it was you, then I love you :) if it wasn't, I still love you, but you can just forget I said anything about anonymous reviews ;) I have so much to say, but I'd probably better wrap this up because I need to go to bed and I'm bawling my eyes out writing this right now.  So let me say before we part... Shauna I love you so much, you'll always be my wifey. I miss you even more than I love you, which is a lot. Please don't do anything which could get you into trouble. I already hate myself knowing that it was my fault I got your stuff taken away, that night on Skype. If I wasn't allowed to ever talk to you again, I think I'd die. So please, for me, concentrate on school, spend time with your family, and try not to contact us directly. It kills me to say that, for selfish reasons, but it will be better for you in the long run if you just do as your mum says. I don't want you getting into more trouble, it's not worth it sweetie!  I miss you and I love you, always.  Liana xxxxx
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2 comments:

  1. Vinkunwildflowerqueen21 March 2012 at 16:59

    this was really beautiful, Liana.

    And Shauna,if by some miracle you get to read this, I agree.
    I know it must be so hard for you not to be able to talk to us, and we all miss you like crazy; but I think it's really important you don't contact us directly.
    You really don't want to screw up your relationship with your parents, because they love you so much and are only doing what they feel they need to do to protect you and make sure you are safe and give your education your best shot.

    We miss you!

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  2. $ℌαʊηṧḯε ♥21 March 2012 at 17:39

    Liana, I think I might kill you anyway for making me cry, at school, in religion, with people staring at me. But other then that, this was so amazing, I can't believe I actually mean that much to ANYONE. It really breaks my heart that you think that this is all your fault, it isn't. Please know that, it's not your fault! I'm coping, I have been keeping a diary type thing and now I have started this, but I am still not as happy as I was, or should be. Fake it till you make it, thats my motto. Every time I see anything about any of you, my heart contracts, it's a horrible feeling really. I think of it if I had a boyfriend who I loved and he broke up with me thats what it feels like.

    I didn't review I'm Not That Girl that many times, I have only reviewed under my pen name, or actual name. I actually haven't been on fanfiction in ages, and I can't post stories anymore, because guess who my editor is?! Again, not your fault!

    And Carlie, yes I see your comment, I make my way around the internet well, I know that I am shouldn't contact anyone directly anymore. Things are getting there at home. But what you guys don't get, it's not twitter, or your faults for me and my parents having a bad relationship. It's because of the way they treat me, and thats not said in teenage, "OHH, they are taking stuff off me, I am gonna hate them".

    Anyways, I love you guys so much, keep in tune with my blog. Liana, you should keep blogging so that I know whats happening in your life and how you feel. I'm sorry to make things hard for you, I promise I won't try to talk to you directly, eg. YouTube (that was a weird moment for me, see I found this generator and thought, "Hey, Liana might appreciate this", I didn't mean to make you cry or to hurt you in anyway, I never have and never would. If you cry because of this comment, I promise I won't comment if you decide to keep blogging, I will just read them and send my glittering rainbow ninja unicorns to watch over you. I love you so much and have an amazing day. xx <3

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